2017-05-19 / Editorials

Sleep in, stress out and other tips for college grads

Break out the inspirational quotes, it’s that time of year.

That’s right, it’s graduation season. And so come the thousands of uplifting commencement speeches, the peppy congratulations cards and the ever-popular and oft-quoted Robert Frost poem about paths diverging in woods.

Well, the Acorn has some pearls of wisdom for those college grads who are ready to step into the “real world”:

Sleep in. Sure, “the early bird gets the worm,” but we can all agree breakfast burritos are much tastier. And who needs to stress about being on time to an appointment or an interview? Keep this mantra in the forefront of your mind: Always late, but worth the wait.

Stay away from successful people. Don’t worry about talking with a mentor or learning more about the type of job you want. Successful people are busy, too busy to respond to questions they have the answers to. Besides, those successful people just learned everything on their own anyway.

Don’t settle for anything less than that six-figure salary. Come on, you’re a college graduate. With a degree! You know you’re worth the signing bonus, the vacation and the sweet benefits package. Keep looking until you find that job with the corner office and the assistant. Internships and entry-level jobs are about learning, not earning.

That being said, patience is overrated. If you’re not successful by the time you turn 25, you never will be. Forget about the countless people who tried and failed for years before making their mark and those who are still struggling valiantly. You’re special and you need fame and fortune now!

Don’t look outside your chosen field. Did you major in English lit? Don’t even think about a career in science or business or tech or healthcare or anything else. Only apply to jobs that specifically conform to your major. No use branching out. You’re already 21. Lock in and stay focused. Besides, whatever job you start out with will likely be the one you retire from after 40-plus years.

Networking can be done from home. With technology, you don’t need to get out of the house to broaden your work and personal relationships. Don’t volunteer, avoid service organizations and stay away from community events. Who needs face time when you’ve got FaceTime?

Creativity is for artists. Do you think there’s a better way of doing something or a way to improve an industry? Well, it’s unlikely, and your efforts would be better spent focused on how it’s been done since the start of time.

Being an entrepreneur is hard. Avoid it. Long hours, lots of mistakes and you have to answer to the person in the mirror. And if your business fails, all you have is the experience you gained trying to make it work. And we all know experience doesn’t put a Porsche in the garage.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, stay hyper-focused. Don’t relax. The only thing keeping you from your dream job is that you’re just not anxious enough about it.

Okay, college grads, follow our advice and you’ll never have to worry about finding that perfect job. We promise.

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