a LOVE lost, a passion found

IRIS SMOOT/Acorn Newspapers HOPING TO SOOTHE OTHERS—Yolanda and Gabriel DeMello of Camarillo, with their 4-year-old daughter Angelica, hold a photograph of their baby daughter Josephine, who died of sudden infant death syndrome at six months old. Yolanda DeMello stares straight ahead when she tells the story, mustering every ounce of strength she has to maintain her composure. But there are times when her voice breaks and she simply can't hold back the tears for the baby she lost so suddenly.

Josephine—or Joey as her parents call her—was born Aug. 23, 2007.

"I had a most wonderful pregnancy," recalled the 35year-old Camarillo resident. "She was a healthy, perfect baby."

But less than seven months later, Joey was gone.

It was Mon., March 10, 2008, and DeMello had dropped her daughter off at a daycare facility in Simi Valley at 7:30 a.m.

"She gave me that look like she's never going to see me again," she said.

Though she couldn't shake the bad feeling, DeMello went to work. At the end of her lunch break, she got a call from the Simi Valley Police Department. The officer asked her if Joey had a preexisting condition because she was nonresponsive and en route to Los Robles Hospital.

In a state of panic, DeMello had a co-worker drive her to the hospital.

"The whole way to the hospital was the longest ride for me," she said. "The ambulance actually passed us on the freeway."

Once at the hospital, she met up with her husband, Gabriel, and waited to see Joey.

"They were working on her. I saw the nurse was crying, and I knew at that point there was no way to revive my baby," DeMello said.

The devastated parents didn't learn the cause of Joey's death until the next day, when the coroner called with the news.

"When they told us it was SIDS . . . I didn't say anything," Gabriel DeMello, 33, said. "We just cried."

SIDS, or sudden infant death syndrome, is the leading cause of death among infants 1 to 12 months old and the third leading cause overall of infant mortality in the United States, according to the Centers for Disease Control.

Since there are no specific symptoms, SIDS is unpredictable and unpreventable, though parents can take steps to minimize the risk of SIDS, such as putting babies to sleep on their backs.

A SIDS diagnosis is made only after a thorough case investigation has been completed, including an autopsy, an examination of the death scene and a review of clinical and family history.

While the DeMellos were aware of SIDS, they hadn't known very much about it before Joey died. As a way to deal with their pain, the couple started the Josephine DeMello Foundation in October.

"We decided to do something positive with Joey's death," her mother said.

The primary goal of the nonprofit is to raise awareness in the community, provide education to new parents and offer support to those who have lost a child to SIDS.

"Just somebody to hold their hand because we've been there," she said.

The DeMellos said that after Joey died, they didn't know where to turn.

Friends and family didn't understand or know what to say, and calls to other SIDS organizations sometimes went unanswered.

"There's no support system," Gabriel DeMello said. "We figured we're not going to just support research but do something locally to support families. . . . We felt like there were needs that weren't being fulfilled."

To increase awareness and raise funds for SIDS research, the foundation will hold "Baby Joey's Run for Life," a 5K run/ walk in Camarillo on Sat., March 14.

Beginning at Constitution Park, the run will take place from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. The event will also feature bands, food vendors and raffle prizes.

Those who would like to participate can preregister on the foundation's website or on the day of the event. The registration fee is $25 for adults and $10 for children, and each runner will receive a commemorative shirt.

In addition to benefiting SIDS research, money raised from the event will help the foundation print educational materials and provide counseling.

Almost a year after Joey's passing, the DeMellos are still grieving their loss.

In fact, the couple can't bear to pack up the room their baby once slept in.

But Yolanda DeMello said she and her husband find a way to go on, if only for their other daughter, Angelica, who is 4.

"You don't recover from this kind of incident. You just learn to cope every day," she said. "And there's not a day that you don't miss your child."

For more information on the foundation, to register for the run/walk or to make a donation, visit the website www.joeydemellofoundation.com.