Take the hassle out of back-to-school
Guest opinion
By Susan Tschudi Special to the Acorn

As a veteran of many years of "back to schooling," I can still remember my ambivalent feelings. The first was, "Oh boy, now I get a few hours to myself every day- Yeah!" followed quickly by, "Homework/schedules/enforced bedtimes/what to wear/making lunches/early morning grumpy children- Boo!" Sometimes I dreaded the back-to-school routine more than my kids did.

It doesn't have to be that way if you will spend a little time getting prepared and organized. Here are some tips for getting past the bumps in the road and settling down into a better routine.

Make the experience more fun for everyone. We all like to be rewarded for our efforts, right? That's what a paycheck is all about. Kids are no different and may be even more motivated by rewards.

From a developmental standpoint, children are very concrete thinkers. That means they either "love" something or "hate" it. They think something is "ugly" or "beautiful." There is very little in-between for them because that calls for more abstract cognitive processing.

So, if a child is given some sort of reward for accomplishing tasks, such as preparing clothes for the next day at school or finishing homework on time, he or she will begin to connect something that may not be particularly desirable (homework/chores) with something good (reward). The result is that he or she, over time, will become less resistant to the boring, tedious tasks.

I know there are those who will strongly disagree with the idea of rewarding children for things that they "should" do. My response is based on human behavior: The best way to get a person to repeat a desired action is through positive reinforcement.

Praise and encouragement are always important components and should not be replaced by rewards, but, because of their concrete thinking processes, children will respond better if praise and encouragement are paired with an actual reward. Think of ways to reward your children. A reward doesn't have to be a thing; it can just as easily be a privilege.

Watch your own stuff. It's been said that children learn everything they know about life, including family and relationships, before they learn to talk.

While that may be a little extreme, we might agree that kids are amazingly observant. Be careful how your own attitude is expressed about going back to school and the ensuing routines.

You may not be excited about the transition, preferring the relaxed pace of summer days, so you will need to monitor how you express these feelings. Children will pick up not only our attitudes but our language as well. If you are complaining and whining then rest assured they will too.

Make the first day of school a day to look forward to by planning a special breakfast either at home or at a restaurant. Make a big deal out of preparing lunch- perhaps let your child pick out what he or she wants or create a special treat and assist in preparing it. Even small children can be included in this activity.

Make a plan. Contrary to some popular opinion, most adults I know are smarter than their kids. If you will spend some time thinking ahead you will be able to make this transition from summer to school much easier for everyone involved.

While your plan will need to fit your own particular needs, it's very important to talk about the beginning of school with your child. Get input on how he or she would like it to go. Try to discern if there are any fears or concerns your child may have.

A new school year can be very intimidating and create a feeling of vulnerability for a child. Brainstorm with him or her for a plan for wake-up time, what to wear, what to take for lunch or snack. Give choices but limit them to minimize a power struggle.

Children (and all people, actually) will involve themselves more if their ideas are incorporated into the planning. If your child is included in deciding the details of how to be well-prepared for this day, he or she will feel better about the occasion and be more cooperative. It will go smoother for everyone.

Be consistent. If you don't follow through you are cooked. Consistency can take a tremendous amount of effort, but the payoff will be well worth the energy. Your children will benefit from knowing there is a plan and there are consequences for stepping outside the plan. It's reassuring to know that there is a homework time set aside, dinner will be served at the same time every night and bedtime will be consistent

Children thrive on routine. It creates a feeling of safety and comfort. Starting school, regardless of their familiarity with the campus, classmates and teachers, can be a bit scary for them.

Susan Tschudi is a licensed marriage and family therapist and a certified instructor for "Parenting Through Positive Discipline." In her private practice in Westlake Village she works with families, couples and individuals.