Alternative families can enjoy holidays

The holidays can be stressful on families-even more so for children of divorced parents. For many, the picturesque holiday of families celebrating with food and gifts, with mom, dad, son, and daughter joined under one roof has been displaced.

Today, more than one-third of all marriages end in divorce, as reported by the National Center for Health Statistics. Many children now celebrate their holidays under several different roofs and possibly with more than one mother or father, creating the potential for the holidays to be difficult and stressful times for children and parents of divorce.

During the holiday season, children and families may experience confusion, distress, or tension.

In addition to the typical holiday stress, children of divorced families can be under even more anxiety and grief. Often, the holidays are a time for reminiscing. Many children find it difficult to cope with memories of when their parents were together.

Marriage and family therapists can help parents and their children create a season that reignites a sense of excitement and joy.

Here are some tips from the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists to help these children enjoy the holidays:

•Stick with a routine. It is important for children to have a sense of stability and predictability during the holiday season.

•Make a plan. Communicate to an exspouse or coparent beforehand about holiday plans and schedules with the children. For instance, one option can be Christmas Eve with one parent and Christmas Day with another. Also, it is important for co-parents to put their schedules in writing, perhaps facilitated by a divorce lawyer, so there is no confusion about who gets which holiday and when.

•Orchestrate the giving of gifts. Know what the other parent is giving the children and give gifts accordingly. Avoid double gifts and ones that "outdo" the other parent.

•Above all, let children love their parents. Children should keep in touch with their co-parent even while in another parent's care.

The holidays can be a time for feasting, laughter and happy memories. Remember parents have the responsibility to create for their child a most joyful holiday season. With the proper support system and professional help, families can celebrate the season with ease and enjoyment.

For parents who feel unable to communicate with an ex-spouse or relatives, family therapy may be the solution.

Therapy can address and modify constraints, help family members communicate with one another in a productive way, and develop strategies to solve problems more effectively.

This story is provided by State Point Media. LIGHTING